Whats the point of having one when all you gonna do is to hide it?

                    

My first tattoo.
by: Frean

  I thought mom's going to kill me if she knew i already have a tattoo but I was wrong!

 is it hard to get a job when you have a tattoo? Ok, fine. Come what may......

 I'm planning to have another one but not this year. Maybe after college. :)

 Having one is not just for being cool, duh! I decided to have one because it has a great meaning to me and it's        one way of showing who the hell am I and what's happening in my life

-  Thats it for now.

Fighting for nothing

So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you, in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy, Mercy!”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings, in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”
                                                     -MEG AND DIA




I Thought this day was the best day ever! everything seems perfect but I was wrong, I told you I was wrong! I don't know where to cling to, why are there some people act so rude? what's their reason? I'm feeling so f*cked up right now I really don't know what to beleive and what to do, I'm so much hurt, so d'you think i'm dumb? why does this always happen to me? do I really deserve this? i've made my own decision and I think I should stick to it no matter how nerve breaking it was. 


This feeling was like tearing me apart to pieces, pain caused by guilt, pain caused by self pity, pain caused by being accused and pain that won't relieve. As far as I know, I don't really have any idea about that bitch! it's just her sister messaged me and she was like a bomb exploding to nothing, it's not my fault anymore so you should stop telling me such rude things, I don't need to explain myself anymore say whatever you wanna say THE HELL I CARE?!!!


Am I fighting for nothing? does this cost a lot? I should not give up on this. I will succeed and get what I want. It's going to be part of the history I promise.

Chocolate Muffins

It's saturday, so my two cousins went in our house that night to drink,
I was talking to Mark Dalisay (new friend) on my cellphone and he asked me if he can go in our house to drink and I said "yeah why not".


 A week ago, I met Mark in their so called "skatepark" in our town, It's not that long right? but it feels like I've known him for so long already.
skater's image is not that as good as what others think of but Mark is different he's a heart-friendly person , he loves his mom so much and yeah he don't do drugs, that's a big factor for me! I really really wanted to know him more and it's a right timing last night! 


Around 10:30 pm, my cousins went home because they are already dizzy! I thought Mark is going home too but I was wrong, he ask me if he can stay a little bit longer and I sad "sure". We talk about lots of stuff,  we knew that we have lots in common! I've never met a boy who loves to cook and bake cakes, oh my God that's awesome! he showed me a picture of his "Chocolate Muffins" yummy! I want to taste it :)


Talking to him is like a never ending road he always brings out a topic and deliver it very well, he's very outspoken, he say what he wants to say and yeah it was like we're getting to know each other more.


Conversation lasted at 1:00 am and I think it's time for him to go home already so he decided to go home and yeah it was a blast! he message me and ask something that made me turn red. 


This is the night that I would never forget :) 
I don't fake smiles that night,Thanks Mark! 

what's it like to hold Friday night's hand?

I forgot what he felt like. I forgot how handsome he was - how nice and tender-hearted, selfless and attentive he was. I forgot how open he was, how inviting and sweet he was. 


I don't know who's to blame, one morning i just woke up with frustrated emotion... things may seem very difficult for me but i think i can still go on and wait until he arrive, i'm still having my hopes alive.


I forgot his smell, his smile, the way he laugh and yeahhhhhh..


We don't always talk anymore no more warm conversations, it was like we always talk about shits and stuff over and over again, he said that he's not that happy anymore and so do I, he always say that if I can't take it anymore, just tell him and you know that may lead to breakup---


Everything has changed. I want him to make me feel like i'm the only woman in the world but  it can't be! feels like something is missing, it's just not enough.


10 months of waiting and it all went down the strain.................

...: Can you imagine the past?

...: Can you imagine the past?: "(2007) I really don’t know how to start. What to say and how to say the things that I’ve been dealing with, this past few weeks that pa..."

...: I miss you more than I can bare

...: I miss you more than I can bare: " It's so hard when all you can do is to think, stare and wait... It's been ten months since I've met this guy (in person). it's been so..."

When life becomes unfair

  Most of the time people are so bothered of the negative things they see through others,

especially the one that matters most. Having our expectations leads to a bad

effect when we don’t meet what we expect from them or not even close to that.

We use to act selfishly and get hurt and find ourselves running, searching for

sympathy. We asked ourselves ‘’do I deserve this? Without even thinking if they

deserve how you subconsciously think. You pretend not to make them feel that you are desperately waiting for a

change but you, yourself can't even consider to make even a bit change.

 YOU!

see! it’s not always about your needs it is such an immature thinking. You’re

having difficulty to admit that you also must go through some changes, what

makes people change? experience! their own experiences that have the tendency to

make them feel realize and understand the ‘reality’ of this world, fair or not, good or bad, this is how it goes

that one must learn to understand. 


Making a decision is one of the hardest things

for people to do,they tend to seek for an advice or most of the time they are

capable to decide for their own, this action proves how irrational people are,

they decide for something and they expect a lot and when we don’t get what we want we

blame others for our own sake, we end up feeling bad, cause we’ve been hurt,

we end up asking what might have been, what if blah blah blah! but are we done

to look at the other side of things? yes! we have to analyze and come up not

with just a conclusion but rather a ‘’solution’’.

What would you do with a letter that changed everything?

Do you know what I'm talking about on the title? it's about a novel written by my favorite author, Nicholas Sparks who was also the author of The Notebook and The Last Song.... 
I really like his works, I like it more if his works were turned into movies just like the movie "Dear John" starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried. That movie really catched my attention maybe because I can barely relate about their situation.

It was two weeks that would change their lives forever when John and Savannah fell deeply in love with each other, their relationship is put on hold with one leaving to complete her studies and the other one is to complete his job or service. Their love continues with sending love letters, narrating what they say or do every single day, every lines were very powerful as I watched that and saw the letters it's getting through my veins,  it contains love, pure love and patience but suddenly it didn't worked out for Savannah met somebody else and marry.




 She send a letter to john saying:

 "dear john I know its been way too long since I last wrote to you. I've been staring at this blank page for the last 2 hour, well if I'm being honest the last 2 months. Please forgive me for what I'm about to say and know that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My life with out you has...."




then her voice fades and john explains to his friend that she's engaged, It was like a very hard time for John to face it but I'm very delighted for John survived...


Many things happened but still they end up together...........

Can you imagine the past?

(2007) I really don’t know how to start. What to say and how to say the things that I’ve been dealing with, this past few weeks that passed by. I wasn’t suppose to write you, neither to let you know what I’ve been going through. We both don’t need this. As the situation gets more complicated it drags us down to let go of what we have. Having our own reasons, having our own choices and deciding to have our separate lives. All the dreams you build, we build are gone. Things have been said and done and I can feel your slowly getting out in my life..


We broke up already and I think it's a good thing, I thought I could easily cope with the situation but I'm feeling the gravity now....


I know this may sound difficult, I'm crazy you know what I mean? I shouldn't talk about it today, not tomorrow and forever. this may seem so sad to me but I'm just trying to burst things out to feel better,do you think this would help me? auhggghh I guess so?


I though I will not get through it, but what a surprise? i realized everything.. and everything came out new...


What else more? should I say, "hey! I miss you" should I note "P.S I'm still not over you?" ohh c'mon, it's been a long time since then and I'm over your lies,I'm over your games I had already built a bridge and got over with your lies babe.


Hahahaha. see? I can laugh now. so if you think you're the last guy on earth and I will not get over you? then your guilty for accusing me that piece of Sh*t.


So I think this is REALLY goodbye?

I miss you more than I can bare

    It's so hard when all you can do is to think, stare and wait...

It's been ten months since I've met this guy (in person). it's been so long, yeah? and still, I am waiting for the day to see his smile again, it was like a goddamn marathon of my life without him, can you imagine? I used to be with him before and all of a sudden we're apart? I can't do anything with it, I choose to be in this situation and I have no choice but to deal with it.

I know it is hard to be in this kind of relationship, LDR? oh c'mon, do you think we'll survive? we are million miles away from each other and even if I stretch my hands so hard, still I will not reach his hands again..


Many people are rid of it, thanks to modern technology! Yes, Internet helps more than the telephone. In this age, we are glad there are Skye, MSN messenger and every single chat function on Facebook, Gmail and Yahoo. We, the survivors of LDR, are grateful for the existence of Internet! but is that enough to show your affection?


Well, if you are deeply attach to someone, it is much easier to deal with this kind of relationship we should have trust and willing to take risks wholeheartedly in order to continue the journey, so easy to say huh? but can we really do it for real? REALLY?FOR REAL?


I admit, I almost cried and think deeply every single night or day and yeah, even though I'm trying to take him out of my mind still memories flashes back and  I cant' help it.


"What" and "if" simple words but very powerful in terms of thinking and concluding..... this made me almost crazy!!!! what if he quits? what if i quits? what if we both quit? as a matter of fact, I tried quitting but every time I'm trying or doing it so, it's not working or happening it was like there's no reason, he keeps me holding on like handling a firm grip from his hands and I really can't let go, I just can't.

I can still remember the days and it was like repeating over and over again.....
how I wish I have super powers that is capable  to be with him always but it's sad to say that I can't, it can't be.


So I'm here typing this and starring at my computer thinking about....hhhhmmmm.... stuff and whatever~ still waiting and waiting...........

                                                                    I miss you....